11. Why Children Lie

Do You Know Why Your Children Lie?

If you think the best liars are actors and lawyers, you’re mistaken. Studies show that the best liars out there surprisingly are children.

It could be because they are still enveloped in this innocent aura that we adults cannot imagine that such angels are liable to make-believe. Perhaps it is also our fault because we encourage their imagination.

But it comes to a point where imagination goes way overboard and turns out to be a lie. How then do you distinguish a white lie from a big fat one? If you indulge this action, will it make your child a compulsive liar? Why does he lie in the first place?

Children learn how to lie. It is a skill, rather a tool, that they use in order to not get blamed or worse, punished. They also lie to build up an image that they want to present to their peers. All children lie, but there are others who do it much more often.

A factor in why a child lies is his emotional well being. A child who is a chronic liar has low self-esteem. By lying repeatedly, he can boost up his self-image.

Another factor why a child lies is response from parents. Some kids do it to get their attention. At first, make-believe is indulged but when a child reaches a certain age, this is when the parent encourages the child to determine what is the truth and what is an outright lie.

As the child gets older, specifically when he enters his teenage years, lying is done because he wants to be more popular. Lying is now a way for the adolescent to fit in. He may claim that he met an actor, a rock star or a sports figure to make him look cool. Often times, he exaggerates information – like their social status.

Occasional lies can be ignored but if this habit is done repeatedly, then it is the parents’ responsibility to bring the child/adolescent to a psychiatrist. However, some parents can handle the problem themselves. They can talk to the child/adolescent and ask him what is the root of all the lying? Does he have a problem? Does he feel ignored? Is he the butt of all jokes? Is he bullied?

Now as the adolescent grows older, he realizes that he can actually control the flow of information he divulges to the public. To his parents, he can just not say something and not get into trouble. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? But that is a totally different case if the lying hurts a parent, a sibling or a friend.

That is often the case of a chronic liar. If you go to forums discussing this “disease”, you can read about stories of people who knew pathological liars. They had a hard time believing what they say. They are so good that sometimes even their identities are just made up.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. That’s like saying you can’t make a pathological stop lying when he is in his adulthood. The habit has become a part of him and it will be very hard to treat it.

This is the reason why parents are encouraged to help their children as soon as possible. The very minute they show signs of pathological lying, they can either talk to the child or consult a psychologist. Better to cut the exaggerating habit now before it gets over board.

As much as a parent loves his child, lying, stealing and cheating are part of growing up. Sooner or later, they will have to encounter these “problems.” But by showing them what is right and wrong, and by accomplishing a mature understanding of what must be done and what shouldn’t, then the parent will succeed.

It is very important for the parent to encourage the child whenever he tells the truth. To make it easier, the parent can also serve as a role model so the child won’t have to look far when it comes to the honesty department. Do not punish the child harshly. Often times, a reason why a child lies is because he is scared to get punished.

Set a good example. Have an open relationship. Discuss what the consequences of an undesired behavior are. In those three simple steps, you will discover that your child need not lie.