Handle Conflict with Care
In any family, there will always be arguments. That’s what makes them normal.
Blood is thicker than mud and these petty arguments can be fixed with parents serving as the referees. But here is a good question: how exactly do you handle conflicts between children?
Here’s a tip. Advise your children to approach the conflict with their sibling(s) in a positive manner. It could be some form of misunderstanding that can be fixed in a peaceful manner. There is no need for kicking or screaming.
Everything starts at home. If there is fighting in your household, your children will have the tendency to bring ill temper to the playground at school during recess. It is advised that parents begin disciplining their child at a young age regarding handling conflict and violence.
1. Mediating is good. By discussing what the problem is exactly, there will be a clearer understanding on why the children had to argue in the first place. Teach kids that they can always communicate with their sibling in a mild manner. No need to raise voices. Parents must teach their children how to discuss their opinions to one another and come up with common solutions.
2. Set some ground rules. This should be discussed when emotions are not clouding their judgment. Discuss the basic rules: no hitting, no kicking, and no pulling of hair, no yelling and no name-calling.
3. You can also set some consequences when they fail to fix an argument and start hitting one another. Some parents term it as punishment but for a positive light, tell them that this is the consequence of their wrong actions. You can separate them for some period or you could ground them both.
4. Talk to them about what they’re feeling and what they are thinking. Children must always come to their parents. They will be able to feel that need and urgency if the parents are open themselves.
5. Children must be aware that a conflict will arise way before it actually does. By becoming more sensitive with their surroundings, children can prevent graver situations from occurring leading to the argument. For example, if a child knows that this action will lead to his sibling getting angry, he must be sensitive not to do it. The parent must increase their kids’ awareness of potential conflicts and sensitivity when it comes to understanding different points of view.
6. Normally, it is the parents who come up with the judgment and have the final say whenever children argue. But at a certain age, like years 11 to 14, the children must be able to do it themselves.
7. Sometimes another sibling serves as the mediator between two fighting siblings. If your children are at that stage, then you as a parent can give yourself a pat on your back. It only comes to show that your children are mature enough to handle the argument themselves. Nonetheless, the parent must still be there to guide.
Now that we have discussed tips among children, the following will be reminders for parents:
1. Never compare children. This can cause jealousy between or among them. Each child is special in his own way. Acknowledge their differences.
2. Do not start competition. Do not let your children compete with one another. A simple “let us see who can run faster” can actually motivate them to be better than a sibling. Not good.
3. Teach them respect among one another. Praise your kids whenever they are courteous and polite, especially when they help each other out.
4. Serve as your children’s example when it comes to solving problems. By watching you and listening to how you discuss the problem, then they will eventually learn how you do it and do it themselves.
5. Try to determine a pattern to why conflicts take place. Does this happen when your children are bored or when they spend too much time together? By providing them time out (quiet time), arguments can be prevented.
Sibling rivalry is normal and cannot be avoided. It will take place eventually. It is all about handling it with care when it does happen.
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