04. Building Self Esteem

Helping Children Build Self-Esteem

The child's growing up years is very crucial as this stage is formative and will set the overall personality of the child as he heads towards adulthood. That is why, as much as possible, children should develop healthy self-esteem during childhood years.

Positive self-esteem would certainly be a child's asset as he moves on the journey and conquer the world's many challenges. Take note that children who have healthy self-esteem tend to succeed when facing life's negative pressures and conflicts.

Low self-esteem transforms children to become individuals who are frustrated and anxious about how the world works. Such children tend to become societal problems and deprive themselves of the many opportunities that may otherwise come their way.

Children with low self-esteem also become apparently self-critical, withdrawn, depressed and passive. They tend not to become open to challenges and natural changes and underestimate their own capability.

Defining self-esteem

Before attempting to help children develop positive self-esteem, it is imperative that you first know the nature and meaning of self-esteem.

Self-esteem is self-perception and is the set of beliefs and feelings one has about him or herself. Self-esteem is directly implicated with confidence and fighting spirit; the very significant factors that help every individual accomplish tasks and head towards achievement.

Psychologists emphasize that self-esteem begins to be manifested early in life. As a toddler, you may probably remember the sense of achievement you attain when you start learning how to stand or how to reach for objects.

It is important to note that one achievement would pave the way for another achievement. As life goes on, those accomplishments become parts of a chain that define the overall personality of a person.

If the child develops low self-esteem, he may tend to be critical of himself and doubt his ability, leaving him to just sit and not exert effort to achieving any other attainments. Such a situation is truly dangerous.

In contrast, children with high self-esteem exhibit boldness and courage to keep on trying to achieve goals. They are not afraid to try, even fail. They treat failures as learning experiences that would be of great help to achieve many other goals in the future.

Helping children build self-esteem

Here are several simple tips on how you, as a parent, could help foster high self-esteem in your child.

        Be careful of what you say. Sometimes, people tend to say out loud expressions that may be taken as comments on people. If you say something bad after learning what your child did or failed to do, like 'stupid', he may retain that and tag himself as stupid. Remember, children are very sensitive to the words their parents say to them. Try to be as positive and praise your child for any achievement, be it simple or great, he may attain.

        Set a good role model. Children will always look up to you as a model, so try to act as appropriately as you can, especially when they around. They would tend to imitate your manners and deeds, so be extremely careful in setting out examples.

        Be affectionate. Aside from moral and emotional support, experts assert that children need to be loved. Remember, you can never boost your child's self-esteem without making it clear to him that he is unconditionally loved. Another point, if the child perceives that his parents do not leave, he might start wondering, who else will? That would make him feel insignificant.

        Give praise. Praise your child whenever he does good deeds or achieves a simple goal. Be lavish in praise and subtle and constructive in criticism. For example, if your child fails a math test, tell him you are proud that he made his best instead of putting pressure by saying that he should have done better.

This topic is discussed in depth in an upcoming chapter.

Make the home his sanctuary, his source of nurturing and love. To do so, make sure you and your spouse do not stage a fight in front of the child. A child who may witness ugly encounters may tend to be depressed and become withdrawn, leading him to a lower self-esteem.

If you think you cannot easily and effectively handle that, try seeking advice and professional help from a child or family counselor.

Do not hesitate to do the best you can to develop healthy self-esteem in your child. It is your responsibility to raise him to become a good and achieving individual in the future.